I love men but I used to fear us (an invitation to men)

I love men. I’m not talking about my romantic attraction to some men but rather my love for the hearts of all men. 

I love us and I also used to fear us. I was terrified of the unexpressed feelings that we carry. I was afraid that I didn’t measure up and that I would be ridiculed or cast out because of the strict parameters that we were taught to obey yet I never could. Residing in that fear held me back from embracing an aspect of my own power - my healthy masculinity.

One of the ways I began to embrace my love of men more than fear of them was to admit I was scared. 

Here’s how I did it: I was standing in front of a group of about 50-60 people of mixed genders at the final ceremony of a retreat of which I came to with the intention of working on my relationship with my dad. We were to stand in front of a bonfire and share whatever was on our heart with the group and to burn something that represented what we were letting go of. 

I felt that I needed to name my fear in front of the group yet I was scared because there were some especially dominant types of guys there who reminded me of bullies in school. I walked up to the fire, my hands shaking, and I told them all I was afraid of men and even afraid in that moment. I told them I was afraid of some of them and that I didn’t want to carry that fear anymore because it was blocking me from the life I wanted. I threw my totem in the fire and sat down. 

As we were all hiking back from the ceremony four men came up to me separately to tell me that they shared my fear of men. These were guys who had lived, been around the block and wore their strength in their steely eyes. I was both shocked and comforted yet it left me with so many questions. If the very men that I was afraid of were also afraid of men, what the hell would we do to build trust in each other and how would we actually be able to give and receive the love from each other that we so desperately needed? 

I saw in that moment all of the ways that we men protected ourselves from the ever looming threat of other men. It became so obvious. Whether it was chest puffing, loudness, proving a higher intellect, bitchiness and cold shoulders or isolating, it was all a front to not get hurt. I felt less alone in my fear but saddened by this revelation. 

Over the years since then I’ve created spaces for men to drop their guards and to let themselves be seen and to witness other men in their vulnerabilities as a way of healing the core wound of our brotherhood. 

Each time I stepped into those spaces I was trepidatious. And each time my fears were unfounded. The men were hungry for connection and heart centered spaces to be supported and supportive. 

Each of those groups chipped away at my walls and I became less afraid and more in love with the hearts of men.

Within the last few months the calling to create a immersive experience for men to find love within themselves has come knocking on my door, telling me that the time is now. 

My answer to this call is LIFTED MEN which is an 8 day portal (Oct 22-29) for humans who have been socialized as men to elevate their relationship with their sexuality, their brothers and themselves. 

As a group of mixed sexual orientations we have a uniquely powerful opportunity to learn, through our individual magic, all the variations of what it means to be a man. 

Through the 8 days we will explore our relationships with sexual shame, anger, vulnerability, and our beliefs about ourselves while reminding each other of our strength and our softness. We’ll leave with strengthened bonds of brotherhood that we may have never experienced before.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to explore further details here. I’m partnering with the host and home of LIFTED MEN, Ocho Experience. We’ve created a spectacular program of experiences which are tailored to your enjoyment and expansion. 

I know in my bones and through my experience that this has the potential to change lives. Perhaps one of them is yours.

With so much love and devotion to our liberation and peace,

Rio